Mediation

January 23, 2013

California Court Explains Retroactive Child Support Orders – In re Marriage of Barth

“If ever there was a case where the adage ‘be careful what you wish for’ applied, this is surely it,” Judge P.J . Moore recently wrote, introducing the matter of In re Marriage of Barth. As Moore went on to explain, California law allows a court to order a parent to pay retroactive child support going back to an original petition for divorce, even if it was filed in the wrong state.Jeffrey Barth spent years trying to avoid the enforcement of an Ohio court’s ruling granting wife Andrea Barth’s petition for divorce, custody and child support, only to have a California court grant similar petitions and order a substantially larger child custody payment.

The couple were married in 1989 and had two children. Ms. Barth filed for divorce in October 2004 after her husband admitted to extramarital affairs, according to the court. Following protracted litigation on the matter, an Ohio court awarded the divorce, granted Ms. Barth custody of the children and ordered Mr. Barth to pay $1,600 per month in child support.

Mr. Barth ultimately had the order overturned after the Ohio Supreme Court agreed that the state courts did not have jurisdiction over the matter because Ms. Barth had not lived in Ohio long enough before filing suit. Prior to the divorce, she left the state with her kids to join Mr. Barth in California, but returned shortly thereafter upon learning of her husband’s affair.

Litigation moved to California, where an Orange County court granted the divorce and ordered Mr. Barth to pay retroactive support of between $2,700 and $3,125 per month for 2004 to 2005, $7,645 per month for 2006 and between $1,000 and $3,050 per month for 2007.

December 20, 2012

Co-Parenting During the Holidays

by Lorna Jaynes

Even for happily married and intact families, the holidays can be fraught with conflict and compromise. But for divorced or separated parents and for blended families – the potential for conflict is significantly higher. Negotiating co-parenting agreements and sharing time with kids is rarely easy, but this is a time of year when it can be most difficult to let go because of the tradition and ritual around how the holidays are managed.

But for the sake of the kids you have to share it. And here are tips to help your holiday season be filled with merriment – not resentment.

Make a plan

November 30, 2012

Court Says Marriage After Child Support Nullifies Payment Obligation – In re Marriage of Wilson

by Lorna Jaynes

In a recent opinion, California’s Fourth District Court of Appeals explained that when a couple has children and later marries, the marriage nullifies a child support order entered prior to it, even if they later divorce.

Mark Wilson and Tamara Bodine were not married when their son was born in August 2001. Bodine obtained a child support order in July 2002 that required Wilson to pay $1,600 a month in support and granting sole legal and physical custody to Bodine. The couple had a second child in June 2003. Then they married in 2005 and separated two years later. A court entered a judgment dissolving the marriage in January 2009.

Wilson filed an action in state court on June 2010, seeking a modification of the 2002 child support order. According to Wilson, he had recently received a notice from the Department of Child Support Services indicating the he owed more than $150,000 in arrears for unpaid support, including payments covering the time during which the couple lived together and were married. Claiming that the couple was operating under 50 percent time-share with both children, Wilson asked that the support award be re-determined based on this arrangement. In response, Bodine argued that Wilson owed unpaid support for a 15-month period after the order was entered and before the couple married.

Following two hearings, a lower court issued a ruling in July 2011, ordering Wilson to pay $100 per month “on undetermined arrears.” The court did not determine the specific amount of arrears owed.

On appeal, the Fourth District ruled that Wilson could not be required to pay support following the divorce because the couple’s marriage nullified the previous support order. The court explained that the situation was analogous to one in which a couple divorces and later remarries after a court has entered a child support award. Pursuant to the state Supreme Court’s 1968 decision in Davis v. Davis, the support award is extinguished by the second marriage in such a scenario.

September 9, 2012

Best Divorce Strategies – Listen, Seek to understand, Focus on the future, Heal

by Lorna Jaynes

Conflict in the context of divorce can be emotionally and financially debilitating. Family court judges commonly make decisions and orders based on how the law applies to what has already transpired between the parties, to the past. And this approach keeps the spouses in a conflict trap where they are focused on the past and the grievances, hurts and betrayals; rather than on the future, and how they can best solve the problems in order to move forward.

Collaborative Divorce and Mediation on the other hand, enable the parties to focus on what is important for them now and in the future. By focusing on problem solving and real listening, there tends to unfold an understanding that can help couples let go of the conflict and the past and move forward in a productive way, solve the problems and help heal the pain, grief, and anger.

A forward looking focus, however, doesn’t preclude talking about the past because sometimes it is important, essential even, for spouses to be able to express and have heard by the other, their understandings of what went wrong with the relationship. This mutual expression of the hurt and anger, if entered into with an open heart and deep listening can be profoundly instructive and helpful to the process. This is especially important if there will be a continuing relationship, for example, co-parents.

August 17, 2012

California Divorce Attorney Undermines Couple’s Efforts to Reach Agreement – Just Say No To Litigation

by Lorna Jaynes

Sometimes, quite often in fact, the flames of conflict in divorce cases are fanned by attorneys who have more to gain from conflict than from resolution. Against my better judgment, I recently accepted a litigation case with the hope that perhaps I could help facilitate a negotiated settlement. It appeared to be a matter that could be settled with relative ease. During the negotiation process between the attorneys, the clients had a long talk, longer than they had had in years from what I was told, and agreed to put the matter on hold for some time to see if they might reconcile and resolve some of the disputed issues between them.

Upon hearing this, I was tentatively hopeful for both and provided my client with resources he might consider to help improve their communication and relationship and suggested that marital counseling may also be very helpful. And of course, a flower or two wouldn’t hurt.

When my client’s spouse told her attorney of their plans, her attorney responded with the statement, “Oh, so he wins,” and grudgingly prepared a stipulation to continue the scheduled hearing out for a mere three months. I was horrified but not really surprised.

August 17, 2012

Gray Divorce in California

by Lorna Jaynes

Marian, 57, and her husband for nearly 30 years, John, had buried their differences over money, child-rearing and more. But when the last of their two children was finishing high school, the differences became too glaring to ignore. Increasingly, they had little to talk about, and when they did, it was an argument.

They stayed together all those years because of the kids, but now there was little left to hold them together. Marian realized that she was alone in the marriage and would be better off either really alone or with someone who shared her values and interests. When the pain of staying was greater than the fear of leaving, she made a decision and told John the marriage was over.

For this generation of empty-nesters, divorce is increasingly common. Among people ages 50 and older, the divorce rate has doubled over the past two decades, according to research by sociologists Susan Brown and I-Fen Lin of Bowling Green State University, in their paper, “The Gray Divorce Revolution“.

April 10, 2012

Happy Outcomes in California Mediated Divorce

by Lorna Jaynes

At my favorite local restaurant last weekend I recognized a former divorce mediation client. She did not recognize me as I was dressed in early 19th century garb for a historical event. As I approached her table to say hello, I saw that she was with her former husband, also my client, and their two children.

Since it was a busy Sunday morning brunch in the restaurant and they were with their two young children, it felt inappropriate to inquire about the nature of their dining together. But I have to assume that it was one of two possibilities: (1) either they had reconciled, or (2) they were enjoying a post-divorce family brunch.

I suspect it was the latter, but either way, both are positive and wonderful outcomes that, in my opinion, would almost never occur had the divorce been a contested/litigated one.

January 24, 2012

How to Avoid Bias in California Family Courts

by Lorna Jaynes

Given the high divorce rate in this country, just about all of us have been impacted in some way by divorce and custody/support matters. Perhaps it was our own family or parents or our own divorce, or simply a very close friend or family member. And with few exceptions, a majority of folks in these situations feel they lost too much or paid too much, received too little, or had a custody/visitation order that was “unfair” to them, and worse.  Based on these experiences, we develop opinions and biases about how such matters should be handled. And of course, every judicial officer, as well as recommending Family Court Services mediators and custody evaluators, have their own personal biases. Consequently, the reality is that the same exact case may have very different results in different court rooms.

This is not to disparage family court judges who deal with complex issues (permanent removal of children to another state, custody, visitation, domestic abuse, determining real income, valuing assets (eg, closely held businesses) on a daily basis, with honor and integrity. But the inherent bias based on one’s experiences in many cases cannot help but bias the judge’s factual findings, their discretion, and how they decide to apply the law. This bias probably exists more in family law than in other areas. No amount of bias elimination training can make a judge forget about their life experiences, assumptions, personal beliefs/views and biases. Consequently, family law litigation can be unfair and inequitable.

However, most judges it is hoped, exercise enough self awareness to check in with their personal biases before making a ruling. And it is important to note that mediators and Collaborative professionals are no less immune to being impacted by personal experience as judges and others in the court system. We too are human beings with biases and must guard against forming opinions based on them. However, we are not judging and making orders, rather our role to facilitate a full and constructive dialogue between the parties that will enable them to reach their own agreement, so our biases have less impact. And ethical and conscientious mediators are very aware of the potential for bias and work hard to be neutral and unbiased.

January 17, 2012

Conflict Resolution Quotes for the New Year

by Lorna Jaynes

As a Collaborative Family Law Attorney and Mediator, I am privileged to work with those who, because of their divorce, are undergoing a significant life change. Although a mediated or Collaborative divorce is far less painful, emotionally, psychologically, and financially, than a litigated divorce, it is still a divorce, and according to the Surgeon General, divorce is one of life’s greatest stressors.

So it is often helpful to rely on insights from some our spiritual leading lights to help lead the way and remind us to be present when stress and anxiety arise. These sayings can also help us get in touch with our own inner wisdom as we move forward into a new life after divorce. They are also useful reminders for all of as a new year begins.

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~ Dalai Lama

December 31, 2011

New California Law Allows Mature Children to Be Heard in Custody Matters

by Lorna Jaynes

Until now, the law in California regarding a child’s ability to address the court in his or her parents’ custody case has been very limited, and rarely are children able to testify. Courts have typically heard the child’s perspective through reports, or from third parties, such as the court-appointed mediators or sometimes therapists.

The California legislature has approved amendments to this process under Senate Bill AB 1050. The new law, which amends California Family Code §3042 is effective January 1, 2012, modifies the rules about children speaking to the court and give children a greater voice in their custody preferences.

“If a child is of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent preference as to custody or visitation, the court shall consider, and give due weight to, the wishes of the child in making an order granting or modifying custody or visitation,” states Amendment (a) of AB 1050.